I Am Such A Mess

A phrase of catharsis.

I had a tumultuous relationship with my mentally ill mother growing up.  It seemed like there would be a single day a month with my "normal" Mom.  The other days, she faded back into mental illness with abuse, neglect, and constantly changing boyfriends. 


Once I left Minnesota for California to graduate school,  I tried to create a piece to start healing. I made a calendar.  I arranged 365 pieces of paper on a wall divided into calendar format with “I am such a mess” written on each page save one each month I left blank. 

 It was a personal project.

After I finished graduate school and left academia, I would periodically write “I am such a mess” on envelopes that I would eventually toss.

As time passed,  I began to rebuild the relationship with my mother and eventually created a mirror piece.   It is an acrylic with cling vinyl letters cut out by my partner. There is a column of black relief ink on the left side of the piece.

I am such a mess.

This temporary media on the mirror is a metaphor for how even a lot will eventually become a clean slate.  Pain and feelings are a moments that pass like the fleeting reflection in a mirror.